A timeless classic of a book – it does what it says on the tin!
Like everyone else I know who is a fan of this book, it has remained close by ever since I was introduced to it back in 2005. I was given an original copy which, despite being written using language and anecdotes from the 1930s, hooked me instantly as I already recognised several principles as natural ones for me.
From thereon, I’ve kept a list of the principles taped to my desk, saved on my desktop, stuck to a wall at home and several copies of the books are left in various places I go. When I started to take on leadership positions, sharing the book and encouraging employees to embrace it was a significant part of my style of developing people and I’ll regularly quote/paraphrase from it.
Sadly, I’m yet to find a good audiobook version as the main one I’ve found is narrated by a man with a deep and monotone voice which makes it hard to concentrate through what start to feel like endless monologues – quite ironic that the audiobook is very unlikely to be winning any friends so therefore not influencing many either! It was mid 2023 that I last checked though so someone please share with me if a better one is now available.
In the meantime (and don’t let me sharing these stop you from reading the books as the anecdotes really help in putting context around each principle), here are all of the principles from the book which, regardless of them being 1st published almost 90yrs ago, remain absolutely valid and, if properly embraced, will help anyone and everyone to make friends and influence people.
1. Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
4. Become genuinely interested in other people
5. Smile
6. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
9. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
12. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
13. Begin in a friendly way
14. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
19. Appeal to the nobler motives
20. Dramatize your ideas
21. Throw down a challenge
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising others
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
26. Let the other person save face
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Here’s a challenge for you – how many of the above can you immediately recognise as your own behaviour?
I absolutely love all 30 principles because I’ve experienced the positive outcomes from using them all. Since becoming a leader in the workplace, #16 is the one that stands out as having been transformative for me. Before I understood this, I didn’t have much trouble with getting people to agree to do what I wanted of them however my failure was in not understanding that they often weren’t happy about doing it and I hadn’t created a safe space for them to say something so they went along with it but never gave it their absolute best and the outcomes reflected that.
Once I understood how to help them come to their own conclusion instead of following a directive from me – well, try it for yourself and, once mastered, you’ll undoubtedly nod knowingly and may even feel compelled to message me…the change will be that powerful!
I don’t earn commission from plugging the book and it’s unlikely to make a significant difference to my life whether you read it or not BUT, either way, it will have a significant impact on yours!